Lost in Your Forever
by MoiraCPercy
Summary: While escaping their past, Katniss and her family takes a week-long train ride across the United States. There she meets a boy who teaches her about love, life, and everything she's been denied her whole life. And in that time, her life changes forever. AU. Everlark.


**AN* I'm back-ish! With a new, weird story. **

**Before you read, just know that I know that trains aren't actually like this, but it's a story, so just enjoy it. :) It'll be short. Probably five or so chapters. Anyway, I hope you all like it. **

* * *

Chapter One

The train rocks back and forth in a gentle motion, the floor beneath me almost vibrating in tiny pulses. I sit on the bench under the window in our cabin. The rolling green hills fly by- yellow and white flowers dotting the grass- the clouds stationary in fluffy white puffs in the blue sky. I don't remember the last day I've seen something that's ever looked so... perfect. The word itself seems foreign in my head, but that's really all I can think of to describe the sight. Perfect.

My mother and sister Prim left a while ago to wonder the train, and I've been silently enjoying the quiet. It's so rare that I just have a moment to myself- without people all around, without feeling like I'm being constantly watched- and I soak in every second. I know it won't last long. That soon my mother and Prim will come back and I'll have to go back to unpacking our few suitcases, but until then, I'll sit here and watch the trees pass by.

The train only left a few minutes ago and already the city is far behind us. Mom said it would be best if we got away from it all. All the memories and horrible times that happened there. I think it's stupid. They'll fallow us everywhere we go. We can't run away from that, and it's wrong to think that we can. But even if I had originally been fuming at the idea of leaving it all behind, I can't help but be almost thankful for this. This small little escape from the rest of the world and all its problems.

From this view, it almost looks innocent.

It's a weeklong train ride across the United States. Starting in North Carolina and ending in California. It's a nice train, with fancy wallpaper and silk bedding. The compartments are large, with one bunk bed and another twin on the opposite wall, while still leaving plenty of room to walk around. There's a bench under the window, a small table in the corner, and a closet. I honestly never knew that trains were built with tiny living spaces in them.

I would have been more comfortable in simple blankets and sheets and white walls, but I guess you get what you pay for, and Mom definitely paid more than was needed for this. Which was another thing I was fuming about, and would still be fuming about if I wasn't so tired of fuming. Everything has been so angry and so hatful and so wrong these past few years that I'm just tired. Tired and sick of everything, and I just want to shove it all away, or off a cliff, or something.

So I close my eyes, soaking in the last few rays of sunshine before it falls behind the hills. It's warm and calming, and I want this moment to stay. I want to keep the image of green hills, orange sunsets, and fluffy clouds. Everything I normally take for granted, or normally could care less about- because it's not food or money or housing- and store it away in some compartment deep in my chest. Lock the key. Keep it hidden, only available for my eyes. For when I need it.

But nothing ever last long, because now the door is opening. My mother and Prim walk inside, smiles on their faces, their blonde hair shimmering in the golden sunshine coming in from the window. I glance down as I try to hide my disappointment, noticing the small plates of food in their hands. It smells good, like some kind of pastry I've probably never had. They set it on the table, and as soon as it touches the mahogany wood, Prim is bounding towards me.

"Katniss, the food counter is just filled will all kind of of delicious things!" She says excitedly, her blue eyes lit up like crazy. I smile without thought, noticing how unfamiliar it feels to do so. "They were so pretty- and the smell! Oh, you should have been there! It was heavenly!"

I tug on one of her blonde braids. "Maybe tomorrow, but it looks like you grabbed plenty already." I say, eyeing the plate that looks ready to topple over with cookies and brownies.

"And we didn't even grab half of the stuff there. There were still pies and cakes and some weird puffy looking things that I've never seen before."

"Well we probably shouldn't go overboard." I say wearily, "We don't wanna make ourselves sick."

"But-" she tries to argue, but I cut her off.

"We're not used to eating this kind of food, Prim. Don't you want to enjoy the train ride without your head in the toilet?"

She frown, her nose scrunching up at the thought. "I suppose..."

"Exactly. It'd ruin the fun."

She sighs heavily. "Alright, I won't eat it all."

"Good."

And with that she moves to the bottom bunk bed, flopping down on the bed heavily. Our mother, who had been watching us the entire time with a small smile hefts one of the suitcases onto the bed next to her.

"Start unpacking." She says, rolling her eyes as Prim grumbles.

Without a word, I move from my spot by the window, casting one last look at the dying sun before grabbing my own suitcase. It's quiet as we all start pulling our clothes out, everyone seemingly lost in their own thoughts. The air feels heavier now, like the clouds have covered the sky back up. I feel a knot forming in my stomach and I can't figure out why. I shift in my spot, focusing on the clothes in my hand as I refold then to release the wrinkles.

"Do you think daddy would have enjoyed this?" Prim asks, her voice cracking.

My stomach drops, a lump forming in my throat. Hands pausing in their work, I wait for my mother to respond, and when there's not a sound, I peer over my shoulder, frowning at the tears in her eyes. I look back to Prim. She's watching mom with a sort of desperation and I silently curse, realizing she won't be getting the comfort she needs. At least not from mom. I walk over to her, dropping to my knees, my hand grabbing hers. Her eyes turn to mine, and the emotion in them shoots me in the heart.

"Yeah, daddy would have loved this."

* * *

The next morning I wake just as the first rays of morning break through the light curtains. I rub my eyes, propping myself up on one elbow as I observe the room. Mom and Prim are still sleeping, their soft breathing filling the space. Quietly, I flip the covers off of me, trying my best to stay silent as I climb out of bed, tiptoeing around as I dress for the day. The room is cool, but I don't mind. I'm so used to staying in places without heaters, that I barely notice anymore.

As I finish braiding my hair, I take one last look at Prim and my mother as they sleep peacefully in their beds before gently opening the door. I step out into the hallway, closing the door behind me. The train is practically silent, the only sound coming from the gently hum as we move across the tracks. It's just as I like things. Quiet, without people, and early in the morning. I wonder down the dimly lit hallway, glancing periodically at the room numbers on gold colored plates as I go.

Soon the hallway opens up into the dining car. There's tables along each wall, silverware and plates already adorning them. It looks too fancy to sit at and eat anything, and I'd probably be more concerned with breaking a glass than the actually food. Carefully, I maneuver through the area, doing my best to keep my hip from bumping against a table. As I pass the last one, my eyes widen as I see the food counter that Prim had been talking about.

It's giant, running the length of the next car. Already, they're starting the preparations for breakfast. A few people in white uniforms come in and out of the room, glancing at me quickly before dropping in trays of food onto the counter. Still steaming, the smell fills the area and I can feel my stomach growling as I stare at the eggs, bacon, pancakes. I don't think I've ever seen so much food in one area before. No wonder Prim was acting the way she was yesterday.

I move closer to the counter, but before I make it a few steps I'm on the ground, scrambled eggs covering me. I look around in confusion, eyes widening at the sight of a very apologetic looking man around my age staring back at me. His blue eyes widen, his cheeks flushing pink. Quickly, he scrambles to his feet, scrambled egg falling from his white uniform, his blonde hair. He reaches down, and before I can protest, he's gently pulling me to my feet.

"I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" He asks.

I brush off my clothes, scowling. "I'm fine. I wasn't paying attention."

"No, it was my fault. I'm sorry."

I bend down, helping him gather up the tray he dropped as we ran into each other. I frown at the eggs all over the ground, in the short carpet. That's going to be a pain to clean. I bite my lip, glancing at the man from the corner of my eye. He runs a hand through his hair, sighing deeply as he stares at the mess.

"I'm sorry... about the eggs." I say quietly.

He glances at me, eyes studying me for a moment before he looks away quickly. "It's okay. Like I said, it was my fault."

"Will you get in trouble? We kind of just wasted a bunch of eggs."

He chuckles a little. "I hope not."

We stand there awkwardly for a moment, neither of us knowing what to do. When was the last time I talked to someone outside of my family? Because it seems like I forgot how to.

"Do you need help?" I ask finally, gesturing to the mess.

He raises an eyebrow in confusion, having apparently been lost in thought. "Help?"

My brow furrows. "With the eggs."

"Oh, right." He says, laughing nervously. "No. No, I got it. Thanks though."

I nod. Another awkward silence. "Uh... I should go then..."

I start to back away, for some reason feeling the need to leave the space as fast as possible. With one last glance, I quickly turn in the opposite direction. I've almost made it to the dining car when his voice calls out to me.

"Wait!"

I turn around, raising an eyebrow in question.

"What's your name?" He asks.

"Katniss." I say, then after a moment of hesitation add, "What's yours?"

He smiles. "Peeta."

* * *

By the time I make it back to the room, my mother and Prim are awake. As I close the door behind me, they turn in my direction, eyes widening. I ignore their looks of confusion, gathering up another pair of clothes as I leave the room as quickly as I came, heading for the bathroom. I can smell the egg on me and I scowl. Of all things I had to run into it had to be a man with scrambled eggs. Pancakes would have been too easy. Fruit would have been too easy. No. It was eggs.

I slip into the bathroom, taking a quick shower. When I'm done, I change in my new set of clothes before re-braid my hair again, tying it off at the bottom. I sigh, wishing I could just go back to isolating myself off from everyone else. Things were always so much easier when it was just me. When all I had to worry about was myself and Prim. When I could just work and forget everything and simply loose myself in the mundane tasks of the day.

I miss that. I miss work. I miss supporting our family while mom slept the days away. I miss walking Prim to school, then taking twice as long to get home cause I was too busy watching the trees. I miss our old life. I miss my father. I miss arguing with my parents like a normal teenager, instead of arguing with them because they were the ones being immature. My whole life has been flip flopped and I still miss everything about it. Because at least then, I knew what to expect. I knew what the next day had in store.

And now I hardly know what will happened before breakfast.

I don't like feeling like I've lost control. I don't like not having a routine in place. I'm used to routines. I'm used to doing the same thing over and over again because it was what had to be done. Not because I felt like it, or it was fun, but because my family would have died if I hadn't. And I knew that. And so I did what had to be done, and I got used to that, and that became my reality, my life. And then everything went bad. And my life no longer became my own. Or Prim's. Or my mother's. It was nobody's.

* * *

I sit next to my mother at one of the dining tables, hands folded on my lap awkwardly. All around us, people chat and laugh and boost in the moment, enjoying another beautiful day. At the table to our left, an elderly couple sit, and even in their age I can't help but marvel at the way they still seem like newlyweds. It's foreign and strange, and it takes all of my will power not to frown at the happy couple.

Would my parents have been like that? If they had the chance? Or was it always in life's cruel plan to ruin any chances they had? Sometimes I can't help but wonder if love even exits. I don't see how it actually could. It seems like whenever anyone falls in love, it always ends horribly- with tears and anger and a broken heart beyond repair. It's only a matter of time. One always outlives the other, one hurts the other. How could love exit if it's always doomed?

I glance back over at the older couple. They laugh and gaze at each other happily, without a care in the world. I wonder who will be the first to go. I wonder who will be the one left to cry over the other.

My mother leans over, glancing at the Prim as she trots down to the food counter. I stiffen slightly, trying my best to keep my back from going completely rigid. She seems to notice because in the next second, she leans away again, hurt flashing across her eyes. I wait for the feeling of guilt, but it never comes. It probably won't ever come. Not with her.

"I'm sorry, Katniss." She says, and from her tone I know she's not referring to a few seconds ago. "That everything was just thrown on you."

"It's fine." I say, biting the inside of my check, hoping she'll stop talking.

"No. It's not." She says, imploring. "That shouldn't have been put on you, and I'm sorry. I was just so struck after your father-"

"I know, mom." I cut in, frowning slightly. "We all were."

She sighs. "I shouldn't have been so weak."

I nod. "No, you shouldn't have. For Prim's sake. But you're better now... right?"

"Right." She says, though her voice says otherwise. "What about your sake, though, Katniss?"

I look at her in surprise. "My sake? My sake doesn't matter." It comes out angrier than I meant it to and I bite my lip again.

Suddenly she grabs my hand. My eyes shoot down to the sight of her hand over mine against the white table cloth. It looks wrong. "Your sake does matter. You mean just as much to me as Prim does."

"But I can take care of myself. I have been for the last few years. My sake is Prim's. I don't care about my own."

My mother looks away, her blonde hair falling in her face slightly. She looks older somehow. "You shouldn't have to feel that way." She mumbles. "And I'm sorry for causing you to think that you don't matter. Because you do."

I stare at her for a moment, and even though I understand her words, I can't find it in myself to believe her. I want to. I really want to. But I just can't. I look away, eyes moving to the empty plate in front of me. My fingers wring in my lap, and I fight off the sudden lump in my throat. Anger builds in my chest as I realize how badly her words affected me. My hands clench, and I want more than anything to go back to the compartment and lock the door.

But then Prim's coming back, and I plaster on a smile. She skips to the table, a plate balancing precariously in her hand. She sets it down, the plate full of sausage and pancakes. No scramble eggs. We eat in relative silence for the rest of the meal. Everyone is either too busy eating or too busy staring at the people around us. I wonder if I'm the only one who feels strange sitting casually like this. Maybe I'm just weird.

As we finish our meal, I push my plate away, ready to fallow my mother and Prim back to our compartment. But, just as I'm about to stand, there's suddenly a man walking past the table, curly blonde hair passing as he slides a plate of scrambled eggs on the table without a word. I stare at it in surprise, quickly looking up just in time to see the man, Peeta, looking back with a small smile on his lips. Then he's gone, leaving into the next train car.

I look over, scowling at the confused look of my mother, the giggle Prim's trying to hide.

"Do you know him?" Mom asks.

I shake my head slowly. "No. Not really."

For some reason, I can't help but feel that this train ride might be more than I had originally thought it would. And I'm not sure how I feel about that.

* * *

**AN* So there ya have it. I hope you liked it. :)**


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